by Ken on Thu Jan 01, 1970 5:52 am
--> You can enjoy a beer all month.
--> Beer stains wash out.
--> You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
--> Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
--> When beer goes flat you toss it out.
--> Beer is never late.
--> HANGOVERS go away.
--> A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
--> Beer labels come off without a fight.
--> When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
--> Beer never has a headache.
--> After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
--> A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
--> If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
--> You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
--> A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.
--> You can share a beer with your friends.
--> You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
--> A beer is always wet.
--> Beer doesn't demand equality.
--> A beer doesn't care when you come.
--> You can have a beer in public.
--> A frigid beer is a good beer.
--> You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
--> Beer always comes in multiples of six.
--> Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
--> You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer.
--> After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
--> A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
--> When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
--> You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
--> Beer looks the same in the morning.
--> Beer doesn't look you up in a month.
--> Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
--> Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.
--> Beer doesn't get cramps.
--> Beer doesn't have a mother.
--> Beer doesn't have morals.
--> Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
--> Beer always listens and never argues.
--> Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
--> Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
--> Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
--> Beer doesn't demand legality.
--> Beer is never overweight.
--> If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
--> Beer won't run off with your credit cards.
--> Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
--> Beer doesn't need much closet space.
--> Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
--> Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
--> Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
--> Beer never changes its mind.
--> Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
--> Beer never asks you to change the station.
--> Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
--> Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
--> Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
--> Beer is always easy to pick up.
--> Big, fat beers are nice to have.
--> Beer doesn't pout or play games.
--> Beer NEVER says no.
--> Beer is easy to get into.
--> Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
--> Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers.
--> Beer doesn't wear a bra.
--> Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
--> Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
--> Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
--> Beer doesn't live with its mother.
--> Beer doesn't blow you off.
--> Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
--> Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
--> Beer doesn't mind football season.
--> A beer won't make you go to church.
--> A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
--> A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
--> A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
--> A beer doesn't give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
--> A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute".
--> If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
--> A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson".
--> A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.
--> A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
--> A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
--> If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
--> A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
--> A beer won't smoke in your car.
--> A beer won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airline out of the sky.
--> A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
--> A beer will actually *support* belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
--> A beer is always ready to leave on time.
--> A beer never fishes for compliments.
--> Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
--> Beer tastes *good*.
--> If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you of "date rape".
--> A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
--> An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
--> A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
--> A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse "just for the articles". (You *are* lying, but the beer won't accuse you of it.
--> A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League.
--> A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse: "But I saved a quarter!"
--> A beer will *never* make you go to a Swedish movie.
--> A beer will *never* make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
--> A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson".
--> A beer won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.
--> When you're through with a beer, the thought of another beer doesn't make you ill.
