G.I. Joe Movie Not Really G.I. Joe

[Ian]

Sigh.. one of the idiot producers behind the Transformers movie is going to screw up G.I. Joe next. Come on Lorenzo.. finish off my childhood by making a new Star Wars movie that isn't really Star Wars. Make Chewbacca a frog or something.

http://movies.ign.com/articles/771/771046p1.html

Producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura has revealed that Skip Woods (Hitman, Swordfish) is writing the screenplay for the live-action feature film version of G.I. Joe. Woods reportedly segued to the project after completing rewrite work on Live Free or Die Hard.

But fans should expect the G.I. Joe movie to be G.I. Joe in name only -- if the name is used at all. "Do you know Action Man? Action Man is the equivalent of G.I. Joe internationally pretty much. It's a different character, but pretty much the same idea and his name is Alex Mann. So we're creating a buddy movie between Duke and Alex. That's what we're doing," di Bonaventura told LatinoReview.com.

"All the characters will be there, and it'll be really fun but unfortunately our president has put us in a position internationally where it would be very difficult to release a movie called G.I. Joe internationally in a lot of places. I'm a big G.I. Joe fan and to add one character to the mix is sort of a fun thing to do."

[smartin4]

A "buddy movie"? WTF? Why do these idiots always screw up things that should be slam-dunks? Damnit, this is another movie that I just can't bring myself to see.

[LoneWolf]

I honestly don't give a care what the international market is for his movie. All I know is that I'll be one of many making sure the US box office results are disappointing by not attending.

You want an Action Man movie? Make one. Don't call it G.I. Joe.

[Wesociety]

Very weak!!!! Just say NO to the fake G. I. Joe movie! (G. I. Schmoe)

[TheWizard]

They should call it G.I. Jane.

Oh, wait, that's already been done.

[Ian]

This is some crazy shit..

http://www.latinoreview.com/scriptreview.php?id=62

There is 25 years of history and a mythology with the current G.I. JOE universe.

Folks, you know the name of the main henchman in Skip’s G.I. JOE draft?

You ready for this?

COOL DUDE

Lorenzo, you mean to tell me that you had to pay an A-List writer his six figure quote to give you an original henchman with a stupid fucking name like COOL DUDE without having the writer or your development staff go down to Meltdown Comics on Sunset or that other comic shop on Melrose, look up the G.I Joe Battle Files Sourcebook for like 5 bucks and not come up with STORM SHADOW, ZARTAN, MAJOR BLUDD, DESTRO or even FIREFLY?!

Are you kidding me?

You know how many cool bad guys exist in G.I.JOE?!

But no, we have to settle for COOL DUDE who is more like CORNY DUDE!

That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

So for the fans what Joes are in this?

DUKE, FLYNT, SNAKE EYES, HI-TECH, HEAVY DUTY, and SCARLETT, along with ALEX MANN.

But folks, these Joes are not what you grew up reading in comics or watching on television. These are bizarro level bastardizations of these characters.

SNAKE EYES speaks in this script, has some eye trouble – hence his name (how fucking original), wears big shades and gets his vocal cords slashed towards the end by COOL DUDE of all people – hence becoming the silent Snake Eyes we all know.

ALEX MANN, DUKE, and SCARLETT are in a love triangle – hence our subplot. She is Duke’s ex girlfriend, marries Alex, and dies at the midpoint at the hands of the Baroness. Consider her lucky she got out this wretched draft early. Any G.I. JOE fan with some common sense knows that Scarlett had a thing for SNAKE
EYES and not DUKE.

Who are the wannabe Cobras or bad guys?

RYAN, a CIA OFFICIAL who speaks in “dudespeak” and on the last page becomes the cobra commander of this wretched script, THE BARONESS, and COOL DUDE. Ryan is the CIA official who strings along G.I. JOE and the twist is that Ryan is THE NAJA, the main bad guy/arms dealer that G.I. JOE has been looking for all along. Ryan even gives that obligatory clichéd why I did it and became evil speech – literally before our big showdown.

That’s it. I hated the Ryan character. He belongs on Venice Beach hitting the waves. THE BARONESS is this henchwoman hot Mata Hari chick with a cobra tattoo down her back. DUMB. DUMB. DUMB.

What’s the stupid plot?

COOL DUDE launches a shoulder-mounted nuclear missile into downtown HONG KONG, and he takes out a couple of city blocks and thousands of civilians. The G.I. JOE team investigates the arms back to AYOOB, an arms dealer who knows the secret identity of THE NAJA, which ends up being Ryan, the CIA official who was stringing along the G.I.JOE team.

[Wesociety]

Oh man. It really is as bad as we thought it would be...

[LoneWolf]

COOL DUDE launches a shoulder-mounted nuclear missile into downtown HONG KONG, and he takes out a couple of city blocks and thousands of civilians. The G.I. JOE team investigates the arms back to AYOOB, an arms dealer who knows the secret identity of THE NAJA, which ends up being Ryan, the CIA official who was stringing along the G.I.JOE team.

Now there's stupidity for you.

Hmm...shoulder mounted nukes sound about as smart as a solar-powered flashlight or a submarine with a screen door. How are you going to survive your own missile?

I also think a nuke would take out more than "thousands of civilians" in a place like downtown Hong Kong, even a tiny one.

I hope this one bombs, big time, enough to keep the director and screenwriters from landing any more pictures for the next 5-10 years or so, and learn a lesson about staying true to an original concept.

[Ian]

Good news!

http://www.latinoreview.com/news.php?id=2376

I have been wanting to put this up for a while but never got around to it until now because the madness has to stop. Apparantly, my last G.I. JOE (Skip Woods draft) script review made a lot of noise.

Brian Goldner, the COO of Hasbro, exec producer of Transformers and the upcoming G.I, JOE personally emailed me after my that script review to assure the fans that there will be a contemporary G.I. JOE vs COBRA storyline in the G.I. JOE movie.

Here is what Mr. Goldner had to say...

Dear Mr. Mayimbe:

Thanks for your note. We are working to develop a movie script that delivers a contemporary GI JOE vs. COBRA story, inspired by the comic books. We do not yet have one. Hopefully soon….

Regards bg

So there ya have it folks, there will be Cobra bad guys in the movie and it makes perfect sense because Hasbro has to sell toys - they can't just sell G.I. Joes!

[Wesociety]

schweet... there is hope

[JamieW]

COOL DUDE launches a shoulder-mounted nuclear missile into downtown HONG KONG, and he takes out a couple of city blocks and thousands of civilians. The G.I. JOE team investigates the arms back to AYOOB, an arms dealer who knows the secret identity of THE NAJA, which ends up being Ryan, the CIA official who was stringing along the G.I.JOE team.

Now there's stupidity for you.

Hmm...shoulder mounted nukes sound about as smart as a solar-powered flashlight or a submarine with a screen door. How are you going to survive your own missile?

I also think a nuke would take out more than "thousands of civilians" in a place like downtown Hong Kong, even a tiny one.

I hope this one bombs, big time, enough to keep the director and screenwriters from landing any more pictures for the next 5-10 years or so, and learn a lesson about staying true to an original concept.

No. The dreaded "briefcase nuke" would only blow about a few city blocks. That's a huge bomb considering the size, but it isn't city levelling.

[LoneWolf]

COOL DUDE launches a shoulder-mounted nuclear missile into downtown HONG KONG, and he takes out a couple of city blocks and thousands of civilians. The G.I. JOE team investigates the arms back to AYOOB, an arms dealer who knows the secret identity of THE NAJA, which ends up being Ryan, the CIA official who was stringing along the G.I.JOE team.

Now there's stupidity for you.

Hmm...shoulder mounted nukes sound about as smart as a solar-powered flashlight or a submarine with a screen door. How are you going to survive your own missile?

I also think a nuke would take out more than "thousands of civilians" in a place like downtown Hong Kong, even a tiny one.

I hope this one bombs, big time, enough to keep the director and screenwriters from landing any more pictures for the next 5-10 years or so, and learn a lesson about staying true to an original concept.

No. The dreaded "briefcase nuke" would only blow about a few city blocks. That's a huge bomb considering the size, but it isn't city levelling.

I'm not thinking of it in terms of buildings, but rather, the population density of Hong Kong, which (thank you Wikipedia ) stands at an average 16,469.6 per square mile (total population 6.8 million and change as of 2006 census). That, and I counted in the factor of those who would likely die in the first several months due to radiation poisoning, and that a small nuke would likely be set off in the area of highest daytime population density. As an example, I'd guess the financial district probably has a much higher daytime population figure than the average population density.

Of course, I guess it would depend on the explosive yield of the nuke; I just think the reality-distortion field is a little high on this one. And how do you kill .6 of a person?

[Ian]

It looks like the producers are listening to fans and the movie will be somewhat true to the original GI Joe story.

http://www.hisstank.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4706

The script is 120 pages long. Movie scripts supposedly average a page a minute, so that puts this at a little under 2 hours, written. Editing and all that could push it longer or shorter. We've heard blurbs from El Mayimbe and interviews on the web on several key points by the above mentioned people. I will try to cover G.I. Joe fans' key points of interest here.

My first reaction to reading the G.I. Joe script is that its going to be a lot like Transformers The Movie only with more respect given to original continuity. The writers Stuart Beattie, Brian Koppelman and David Levien have done a great job Adapting the G.I. Joe Universe (Comics and Cartoons) to the big screen with this script. Yes some things have been moved around and changed but I think they really captured the most important parts of what makes G.I. Joe so special to us all, the characters.

If I had to give this film a Title I would call it The Rise Of Cobra. The Paramount running Title of the film is G.I.Joe Dark Sky: First Strike. Most of the film is the telling of Destro's search for ultimate power, the discovery of G.I. Joe and how the Cobra Organization is formed. Lets not forget about the back story of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow.

Ray Park as Snake Eyes is pure win IMO. If anything, we'll see some good ninja fights.