Things to ponder

[dolphinius_rex]

I received this in my inbox at work, and thought I'd pass it on:

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about:

- Can you cry under water?

- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

- Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

- What disease did cured ham actually have?

- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

- Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

- Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

- If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

- Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

- If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

- Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

- Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

- Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

[Alektron]

Some of those are good questions.

- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

I was in China on business a while ago, and I had to ask where the restroom was to somebody who didn't speak english. With that language barrier in place, I learned that a quick charade was an effective way to ask directions. There's a surprisingly universal need to empty one's bladder.

[JamieW]

Taking the fun out of some of them:

- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

It is not a question of importance, it is question of how personal. Killing with forethought and malice/emotion is murder. Killing with forethought and impersonally is assassination.

- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Round boxes are more costly to produce due to complexity or use as much cardboard but produce more waste at production as a square one and thus save nothing.

- What disease did cured ham actually have?

Your mom.

- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

To avoid unnecessary voyeurism.

- Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Use of "panties" to refer to one panty is an inflected use and not entirely grammatically correct and thus would be consistent with bra.


- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Jimmy is cracking corn, speaking of himself in the third person, and he doesn't care because he is a slave and his master has died from a fly sting.

- If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Radios need not be waterproof.

[Morpheus]

- Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Inflation? How about the IRS wants their cut?